I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
why do cheetos always look like penises
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
