its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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