Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
People in love make me want to vomit
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
