You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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