I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize