best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
