Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
