Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
