i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
