I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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