My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
