I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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