it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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