Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
