I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize