Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
