I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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