i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
farters have to be the big spoon...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
