He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
