if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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