I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
