Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
