She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's no shave November. This is our time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
