Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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