I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
