i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
