why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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