im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
