So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
