Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
