I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
