And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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