hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
