Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
