Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
