Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
