Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
