This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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