She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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