Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
