drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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