I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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