woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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