Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
