so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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