I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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