I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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