I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so let's talk penis.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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