the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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