Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
