what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
