i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
