She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
