i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
