I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
