Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
