U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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