i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
