I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize