We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
