It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The uberlube is also flammable
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
