and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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