I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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