You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
