he thought i was a dude.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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