After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
