weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
