Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
